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Last time, our heroes, Dante and Virgil were riding a monster 

called Geryon

Arriving at the 8th circle aka Malebolge ("evil ditches"), 

Virgil was all like, "let's carry on"

The ditches, in which there were 10, all had people who done 

diggity some fraud

At first, Dante was all scared and whatnot, so Virgil said, "Cmon, 

don't be a wad"

There is a place in Hell called Malebolge...Within this 

place, down shaken from the back Of Geryon, we found 

us; and the Poet (18.1, 19-20)

Back in the hood, the neighborhood of Malebolge was all made 

of iron-colored stone

And it has a cliff that's as huge as a triple whopper   

surrounding that zone

The valley inside the cliff has those ten ditches protecting a 

freaking castle

But, to get to it, crossing those moat-like ditches are prob 

gonna be a hassle

Wholly of stone and of an iron colour...Between the well 

and foot of the high, hard bank, And has distinct in 

valleys ten its bottom. (18.2, 8-9)

10 ditches means 10 sins, right yo? It all starts with those 

seducers and flatterers, being all sneaky and sly

Followed by dem simonists, who kept selling holy thangs, so 

God was all like, "Mang, for that, you gotta die"

Coming after, were the diviners, astrologers, and magicians, 

AKA, the blaspheming crazy peeps who had no life

Next was da barrators where they cheated and conned all 

day, e'ry day, and homie, they were in some deep sh...trife

While speaking in this manner, with his scourge a demon 

smote him, and said: “Get thee gone Pander, there are 

no women here for coin.” (18.65,66)

Then came the hypocrites, saying they da most holy, only to 

turn around and forsake God

Passing them it was the land of thieves, da fools who stole 

everything from here to Cape Cod

Coming after them were the fraudulent counselors, who's goal 

aint gonna be to help you pick out colleges

They selfish peoples who lie, trick, and do evil thangs to benefit 

demselves, like gaining knowledges

"I am not able to refuse your asking. I am set down so far 

because I robbed the sacristy of its splendid treasure..." 

(24.136-138)

Almost at the end are da sowers of discord, they're the fools who 

start wars yet refuse to end them like real men

Meaning lawyers, religious leaders, etc, ya know the people who 

puts dat false info in yo brain, amirite Ben?

Finally, the last ditch are the 4 types of falsifiers; alchemists, 

impostors, counterfeiters, and liars (in the [La]hood)

They're all sorts of weird; changing metals, pretending to be others, 

copying coins, and lying like planking wood

"There is Romena, where I counterfeited the currency 

stamped with the Baptist’s head. For this I left my body 

up there, burned. (30.73-75)

The flatterers are chased by demons with whips while the 

seducers are up to their necks in poop

But the simonists are head over heels (literally), not in love,

but fire so they're probs a grumpy group

The diviners, astrologers, and magicians have their head 

backwards... guess they can't play ball

Still, better than the barrators who swim in boiling pitch with 

demons on their heels, right y'all?

Up from the mouth of each hole there stuck out a sinner’s 

feet and legs up to the calf, the rest of him remained 

stuffed down inside. (19.22-24)

And the fools marching all over with da super swag (and 

heavy) led coats are our very own hypocrites

But, at least they aren't stuck playing a twisted (heh) game of 

tag with a band of stealing misfits

Oh, you thought the led coats were swag? Well the fraudulent 

counselors have something that's even better

All of their clothes are on freakin fire, I mean that's like next 

level, c'mon how cool is a burning sweater? 

No o or i was ever written faster than that sinner flared  

up and burst in flames and, falling down, completely 

turned to ashes. (24.100-102)

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