Back in February 2018, this urge to play some baseball just burned inside of me. I'd watch kids having fun on the field. It looked amazing, but I was nervous.

I was afraid that I was going to be bad at it. What if I let the ball slip through my glove or strikeout? The thought of everybody watching was kind of petrifying.

I cant field the ball!

And my dad was just saying, "Well, try anyway." 

But I just felt stuck, you know, struggling with him and with myself.

And Dad would repeat constantly, "You should sign up." But I felt I wasn’t ready. I fought it, saying I'd just make a fool of myself.

Sign up sign up sign up sign up sign up sign up!

He didn't get it. "You'll never know unless you try," he said. I just crossed my arms and stared at the floor.

Come on just try you might like it.

Travel team sign-ups would be in about a week, and every night Dad mentioned it. The more he talked, the more nervous I became.

You know son travel signups will becoming up and I expect you to play.

Just eat!

Im scared!

One day, he took me out to the baseball field. He handed me a bat and told me to practice. I didn't really want to, but I at least tried.

Heres your bat. Go slow.

I swung and missed. I felt my face grow red as Dad watched. I could feel him waiting for me to try again.

Mom saw how tense things were getting. She told me it was okay to be scared. "But don't let it stop you from trying," she said softly. 

It will be okay.

Mom was always soothing to me and so nice. She always respected my decision.

I'm so nervous; I just need to calm myself.

Dad and I argued about it again on the way home. "You have to stop being afraid," he said, frustrated. I didn't know how to explain the feeling of fear.

The more the sign-up day was approaching, the more we fought. He wanted me to face my fears, but all I did was feel more afraid. It's like I had a battle inside my head and with my dad at the same time.

I threw my hands up. "You don't get it! I'm scared, okay?" My voice shook, and I couldn't seem to make it stop. He let his chin drop, heaved a sigh, then spoke: "Fear's a part of life, Logan. Carpe diem-seize the day.

I glared at him, feeling angry and frustrated. "Why can't you just leave it alone?" 

He shook his head, saying, "Because I don't want you to miss out just because you're scared." We sat there in silence, both too mad to say anything more.

After dinner, Dad came to my room and sat down beside me. He laid his hand on my shoulder and said, in a quiet voice, 

"You know, I was scared too when I was your age." Surprised, I looked up while he explained that as a kid he was afraid to play baseball because he would also not be good enough to play.