Hello! Judging by the title, you probably don't want to read this journal, but I assure you—that title was made by my brother! Originally, my "diary" was called "Journals of a not-so dorky kid!" But my mischievous older brother taped some new words onto the cover! I swear! I don't actually eat my boogers—I'm not a dork, either. Here's a picture of me sitting down to eat some cheese, I'm a very big fan of cheese, who isn't? I live in a huge house with lots of brothers and sisters actually. It was just my older brother Jimmy who ruined the title, I am in the middle of thirteen siblings. My name is Stewart. 

 I am going to watch a documentary about science. I am a nerd though, I don't like how my big brother did that—I am just a kid. Anyways, I am not that much as a nerd, I am just a little bit of a nerd. As you can see, I'm sitting on the couch eating some cheese, and my older brother Jimmy (The one that ruined my book title) is sitting down being a Fatty. He makes fun of the cool shows I watch, I like to watch Young Sheldon, he inspired me to be cool like him! I also watch Spongebob, he sounds so nice, I want to be his friend! Jimmy called me "Stupidman" because my name is Stewart, what a bully. 

As you can see, I have lots of posters in my room, a Pokemon poster, a Super Mario poster, a DNA poster, two paintings, a poster of my Uncle Dan, and a Fit the Fat poster. This is my room, by the way. I sleep on this couch because I find it more comfortable than my bed, which is right below. It doesn't even fit me! I want to get one of those cool LED beds, but for now, I'll have to use the couch.

This is my backyard, it's not huge, but it's all we really need. There is a tiny playground, a huge garden, some trees, a birdhouse, and tons of gnomes. Today, I went outside, I am on the slide eating some more cheese. One of my younger sisters Lindsey demanded I have to play with her, which took away my fun time swinging on the swings as high as I can. Luckily, my other younger sister Jane took my place to play with Lindsey, so I got to go back to swinging on the swings.

Now that you know about my life and where I live, we can get to the interesting parts! Today, my dad and I went biking! This seems like a normal thing that would happen, but no, just wait for the interesting part! As we were biking by the mayor's house, I spotted $1000 on the ground! I went to pick it up when suddenly there were more of them! I could count at least $10,000 in cash just laying on the ground! Me and my dad picked it up, shoved it in our pockets, and discussed what we could buy with this! I wanted to throw a huge neighborhood party, but my dad wanted to use the money to build an extra room in the house where we could play. We already have something like that, but it's really more of an indoor gym than anything.

Fat

After I found all that money, I finally got revenge on my older brother, Jimmy! I sneaked into his room (That he shares with my oldest brother Wilson) and found out that even he has a Diary! I read it, and there's a lot of embarrassing things in there! He wrote about how he wants to be a pirate someday, which explains why his room looks like a pirate's ship. I took this picture of me in his room eating cheese and reading his diary. He stated that he likes this girl from school named Cherry. If I haven't mentioned her yet, I'll show you a picture of her on the next page, she looks so ugly, I showed a picture of her to my 6 year old brother and he got nightmares. 

This is who Jimmy has a crush on. Today is Sunday, so I have school tomorrow, which will be the REAL start of my adventures! I'll mention my friends, Carter, Leo, Katey, and Paul! And our fights against our terrible math teacher, Ms Qolpy! So long for now, I'll write in this journal tomorrow. 

This is our math teacher. Yes, she's weird, mean, and extremely stupid. She said a math problem wrong like "  2 x 2 equals 6" like wow you're my math teacher and you can't answer that!? Are you 3?! anyways, I'm in math class right now and I sneaked my phone to take this photo.

She is making us take a test right now, and there are questions like "What is 3+2?" Do you think we're IN KINDERGARTEN?! She caught me writing in my journal, so then I had to go to Principle Crumb's office. She also sent my friends there for no reason. 4th grade is painful! 

She also said that everyone would skip recess except for the girls, now. 

If you ask, yes, he is a literal crumb. He turned to life when some evil scientist poured goo on him, along with another object now known as a supervillain called "Balthazar Brick". Principle Crumb is the only adult in the entire school that actually understands students! He told me and my friends that he would have a talk with Ms Qolpy, because he thinks she's a terrible teacher. Good work, Principle Crumb! Anyways We got out of The Principle's Office I'm going to science class now because I can't have recess.

My science teacher, Mr Roundy, was overjoyed to see me and my friends at class so early. I took a picture of him secretly to introduce him to you. He is my best and most kind teacher. He gives us donuts every Friday and lets us grab candy once class starts! He reminded us that "Tricky Day" is next Wednesday, once a year, our school holds a day where we can prank anyone! One time, I let a pig in Ms Qolpy's class! We got to grab extra candy out of the bin this time, today, we're learning about how to make water into puddy! Not any of the boring stuff like "What are tectonic plates?" or "Where do water currents lead?". 

After I went home, my mom called me and my other twelve siblings into the room, she said that she is going to make us skip school and take us to a water park as a fun surprise! I am happy but sad at the same time, I hope Mr Roundy knows I'm going to be gone for the day. Tomorrow is going to be a thrilling and fun adventure! I can't wait to write about what happened! Stay tuned,

                               Cheese. 

Today was filled with fun and horror, my mom took this photo. I went down a couple of water slides while eating cheese, the lifeguards said it wasn't allowed, but I sneaked it on. We were having so much fun! I stood for one hour in a line to ride the longest water slide there! I went on with my older sister, Leah. The slide took like, 10 minutes to complete! After that, I went on the highest diving board in the park, but bailed out, it was horrifying! It was like, 50 feet tall or something. 3 teenagers made fun of me for it, so I told them that they look like Jar Jar Binks from "Star Wars", and they were very offended. They started chasing me like Earl from "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs"! 

The teens in the water

1st one                                  2nd one               3rd

I had to hide in a line, but the teens knew I was there, so I dove into the wave pool, and they could barely find me, but they did, so I swam out fast and climbed the highest diving board from earlier. The teens were also following me up there. As soon as I got up there, I tried to jump, but one of the teens grabbed my arm and tried to punch my face, but I ducked, and he flew off the diving board and into the water! Then one of the other teens ran at me, but I dodged, and they flew into the water, too! The last teen tried to tackle me, but he ended up dangling from the diving board, because his swimming trunks were stuck to it. "A little help, guys?" He said to his fellow teenagers. I got his trunks unstuck, and he plunged into the water!  After that, I was thinking of climbing down, but I slipped and flew into the water!

After that, my mom called, and we all went home to take a shower. I am so thankful that we have 4 bathrooms, because if we didn't, I wouldn't know what to do! I found a big spider in my room, but I could tell it liked me, because it started doing some weird spider-dance-thing. I put it in a bag and put it in my backpack. Tomorrow is Prank Day, and I'm going to get revenge on Ms Qolpy, for SURE! I'll write the next page tomorrow, goodnight! 

Today is Prank Day, and when I walked into my school, so many pranks were already set. The hallways were filled with orange juice at least 2 inches high, there were fake clowns everywhere, I saw cow poop dangling from the ceilings, and almost every locker was stuffed with chewed bubblegum! This has been the craziest Prank Day yet! Ms Qolpy was late to school today, which gave me time to set my prank. I put transparent glue on her seat, then I taped a bucket full of wet cement to the ceiling above her desk, then I let the big spider loose! I took a picture of Paul's prank, but it wasn't as good as mine. 

Students    drool!

Qolpy

Rules!

When Ms Qoply came, she was already wearing googly eyes and an eye patch, she cleared the board and wrote this! I took a picture and put it in here! Then she took off her googly eyes and her eye patch, and she said that all the boys would have to spend every recess in detention! Which isn't fair, because I'm pretty sure that a girl was the one who put the googly eyes on her. She looked at her chair and said "Ha! I was expecting thumb-tacks, but it seems my chair is safe this year!" So she sat down, and asked the class. "Why is my chair wet?" When she got up, the chair was stuck to her. "SOMEBODY PUT TRANSPARENT GLUE ON MY CHAIR!" She yelled.

While Ms Qolpy was freaking out, she triggered the bucket of wet cement, and it all fell on her! The entire class was laughing! Ms Qolpy was very angry, but that changed when she felt something climb up here back, it was the spider! She screamed, and ran around the classroom, but that only made the spider angry, and it bit her! So Ms Qolpy fainted, and then Miles (one of my classmates) let three goats into the classroom. This was my best prank yet! I hope Ms Qolpy has learned her lesson, maybe she should treat kids better! When I was walking home, I overheard Ms Qolpy shouting "No! Please don't fire me! I love being a teacher!" Which was awesome, I hope I get a better math teacher next week!

When I got home, my Dad brought me to the Meeting Room, he told me that he prepared for our huge neighborhood party (Which is what we spent the $10,000 on), he bought drinks, food, snacks, a bounce house, a couple food trucks, and a DJ! The party is on Saturday, and today is Wednesday, so I'll have to make it through the week with my new math teacher before I get to enjoy that epic party! 

This is our new math teacher. She is still teaching 2 + 2, but not all the time. She is better than Ms Qolpy & teaches us better stuff! She lets everyone have recess, her name is Ms Mcweenie, she has a funny name but we don't make fun of it. We don't just do boring sheets anymore, she made games like "Hopscotch Math" and very cool math-themed board games! My favorite math board game is "The Story of Melvin Sneedly".