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THE STORY OF MY LIFE

by 

Zen

Illustration: Google pictures.

My thank to all the great artists who have created 

such amazing work of arts used in this book!

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, 

or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the author.

Copyright© Anh Phuong Doan,2015. All rights reserved.

I was lost...

A senseless life!

Living with no purposes.

Days by days, months by 

months. Felt like a shadow 

walking on the street, just 

lived through the days.

An endless boring circle. All 

the same. The same!

I just simply existed.

"Why am I here?"

"What I'm gonna do with my life?"

"Am I worthy?"

"What do I live for?"

Those questions kept appearing in my mind. 

Every seconds. Like a sledgehammer banging on the wall of 

reality in my head.

Panic, hopelessness, irritation, scare, a terrifying sense of 

self-powerlessness made up the mood poison that I could do 

nothing but drank daily.

It drove me mad. Really mad. Really really barking mad! 

Mad at myself. I was like a volcano just waiting for the tiniest 

catalyst to corrupt. 

I was depressed...

I wasn't used to myself being like 

that. Didn't like it either. It didn't 

suite me. 

I had always been in self-control. 

And I was really good at it. Knowing 

my goal and just simply went for it.

So it confused me not knowing what 

I want, or who i am. It scared me, at 

the matter of fact.

I liked being busy, having something 

in my mind to stick to, the sweet 

taste of glory when finally achieved 

something I wanted so badly. At 

that moment. It was just emptiness.

They said high school was to 

decide yourself "to be or not to 

be". It shall be a little conflict 

and confuse but at last when 

time came u would figure it out.

It didn't seem to be as easy for 

me though. My time was 

coming to the final stage and 

the moment of decisions was 

coming closer than ever, still I 

didn't know what to do. I 

reached my senior years, and 

things still seemed hiding to 

well in the dark.

Seeing everyone so focus on their targets got me worry for 

my future. And the stress of not knowing and powerless 

occasionally broke me down, huddled myself on the bed 

weeping.

I had no idea what my life part would be. People talked big. 

Doctor, lawyer, businessman, chairman of a big 

company.... I wanted none of that. I figured that out 

listening to them. And that led to a question: "What do I 

want?". And an even bigger question: "If I don't want any 

of those, what am I gonna study next, what job am I doing, 

what my life gonna turn out?" and I had absolute no 

answer to that. 

And my self-controlling needs just added up to mess with 

my mind even more.

I was not being me...

A lot of modern youth could understand that feeling. I 

knew. They'd been like me. The thing about living in the 

cities at this rate is fullness. The society gave u everything 

u want, but took away the most important thing: freedom. 

Freedom to fail and to experience various things in this 

wonderful life. 

As the parents were afraid of letting their kids out, their 

overwhelming protection to the children ended up 

accidentally taking away their children opportunities. 

Along with the educating method of making the kid did 

whatever being told without questions, the kid lost their 

critical thinking, was lack of knowledge and thus became 

dependent.

The lesser they knew, the lesser 

they wanted. The lesser they 

wanted, the more were they 

likely to take others' goals their. 

We were always told "Do what 

you like, and make 200% effort 

in doing it, you will success no 

matter how impossible you first 

thought it was" but the thing is: 

"Is what you are doing really 

what you like? Or is it someone 

else's?" Not knowing what they 

like, the kids had no other 

choices but followed some 

alternative plans that they 

didn't like.

Growing up under the education which rules must be obeyed 

always, everything must be done in the teacher's way (and shall 

be criticized if not), the youths were nothing more than a copy-

paste robot, a lifeless cover of a body whose soul had lost. 

Forever knew not the beauty of life, or what they really wanted, 

just lived meaninglessly.

Myself, as well as many others, were victims, and I was sick of 

those nonsense rules. Why couldn't I do things my way? Why I 

had to always follow rules in everything? Why no one heard me 

when I spoke? Why the people who should had listened and 

guided me always looked down on me and acted like everything 

I said were ridiculous? Why didn't they respect me even I 

respected them? I was sick of having to pretend to agree with 

something while I really wasn't or said something that wasn't 

true to myself just because it was right according to those rules 

makers.

I wanted to be heard, to be understood, to be respected, to 

be able to walk in my own shoe, to know, to be inspired, 

guided, to experience, to be just me instead of someone's 

dream model, to decide, to be accepted even I'm different. 

And above all, 

To find my path...

"After rain comes sunshine"

It took me a long time before I can finally say that.

I finally found what I've been searching for...

I found my path...

My gray sky is now turns blue again, I can see sunshine sparkling 

on the green leaves, everything just suddenly back to its original 

beauty.

Well it isn't totally "suddenly" to be frank...

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