Chloe's Dilemma

It was a pitiful, dreary, cold as a veterinarian's exam table, winter day. Chloe was lonely, bored, and hungry. The problem was... THE BEAST... stood between her and the kitchen.

Mom was at work. Again. Surely Chloe would perish in the next Bastet-forsaken minute, if someone didn't do something fast. Even Li Shou, may her name be praised, could not resolve such an intractable predicament.

Zooey's Revery:

"Bastet! Ah... her alabaster coat echoed the moon as she prowled the Egyptian night, ridding the delta communities of vermin. She moved through the night silently, protecting her loyal subjects, insinuating herself into the homes of her followers, sharing her healing potions with the living and her balms with the dead. She was so beloved, we could eat from our master's plate. Sweet, sweet Bastet. How I miss you."

"And then there was Freyja. That regal lady in her feathered cloak, We pulled her chariot as she gathered up the war dead to her sacred field, her heroic boar by her side. Her golden tears littered the battlefields.

"What an illustrious honor to serve her. Or to see her soar over the fields, tending to love and future generations. "

" And, oh yes, Li Shou... together we once ruled the world. We could talk then, and we still try.... The gods ordained that we were to rule the world and keep it in order.

"But there were the temptations of a sun beam beneath the cherry blossoms. What hubris of us, but then again, it was a perfect place to sleep. Such an unfair choice.... But to turn it over to mere humans?! And what a mess they have made of it. But... YAWN... Then again...."

"It was all so marvelous...."

"And now indignity of it all. To be descended from such illustrious stock, and now imprisoned with such a pathetic, useless excuse of a feline. Not to mention that dopey cur... that Cerberus who prevents me from sneaking out when the humans leave the door ajar.... I can't stand this place, nor its inhabitants... but.... yawn... is that the scent of cherry blossoms?"

Chloe's Revelation:

The BEAST dozed in the sunlight, his nose twitching like he smelled something. Something even pleasant. Was that even possible? Did he even know the meaning of pleasant? The only satisfaction THE BEAST seemed to derive from this world was the right to eat first. He was always eating first... leaving her with only the leftovers. If only Mom was home this instant to feed him.... Hey.... Wait a minute!

It was so obvious. Why hadn't it come to her before? By leaving tribute to all those gods and divine beings he goes on about, she could sate both the stomach and the ego of THE BEAST! Surely he could not eat everything she prepared. And then, once he fell back into his silly dreams and fantasies, Chloe could eat her fill.

It was so simple and so devious, Chloe almost felt guilty. But she was about to perish. She would worry about the moral ramifications later.

Men-mew

Hummus

Lutefisk

Tofu Fried Rice

The Men-mew:

Chloe slunk past her dreaming nemesis and into the kitchen. Purr-fect! She pawed through the cupboards, plundering ingredients, working with abandon. She chewed the corner of the rice bag open. "Woosh!" the grains cascaded onto the counter.