¨ 911, whats your emergency?¨ Shonda sat there, confused, what has she now done? He was laying in the chilled hospital bed and she covered in his concrete, clammy blood. What is her mother going to think? What is she going to tell the police? What is she going to tell herself to take the pain away? Knowing everything was her fault and she might not be able to change the fate of this situation.

Monday Morning .... ¨ hey Shonda¨, ¨ Shonda is everything okay?¨ ¨did yall see Shonda today? she not looking so good and was more quiet then normal in class today.

¨ Shonda, honey its time to wake up!¨ Waking up and getting out of bed was never the hard part, but finding something to put on is what took the longest. Some days I wanted to look good for my man, but did he even notice? He never complimented me on anything that I wore before so why would he start now. The only person that ever noticed was my mom when she started going on about how true scholars should dress and nobody would ever remember me for what I looked like.

Shonda, everything I have done for you is to only make you a better you and live the life I never got to live because I had you so young." There my mother goes, living her teenage life through me, but I did not ask her to drop out of school and raise me. 7:35 and I could not wait to walk out the door. " .... and don` t be kissing on that no good boyfriend of yours either, makes us look bad!"

Marcus Banks, a mysterious trouble maker. He wore his hair in a low cut, always rocked the latest Jordans, and had many of the girls everyone wished they could be with, following him. I don`t know why a dark , tall. handsome boy like him would want a quiet goody goody girl like me. I wonder if it had something to do with the fact I was his most loyal and smartest runner he had. Marcus Banks, reluctant , selfish, and the ring leader. 1470 Lincoln Ave., the red brick house, that smelled like weed and must when you walked through the front door was what we referred to as the "Trap House".

Its where Marcus made us meet the buyers and refill from the suppliers. 1470 Lincoln Ave., where I lost my virginity and where I finally gained my own freedom. Marcus made me have butterflies in my stomach every time he looked at me with his enormous brown eyes that turned a blueish gray color when he stepped out the door. 1470 Lincoln Ave, the place where I felt like I was making my own choices for once . Marcus gave me the chance to be impudent. He made me his number one runner and his number one girl. Someone as unlucky as me becoming a drug dealers girlfriend and his top possession. There is no way he could get rid of me, I mean he wouldnt right?

Friday....... " Shonda, I need you to make this drop by yourself tonight. Its worth more than anything we have ever brought in and I think its the one for you." Me a drop by myself? At night, and I don`t even know anything about this part of town. " Why not me boss? Shonda a lady and don`t need to be meeting new clients carrying that much product by herself." Marcus frowned upon anything Marvin ever said because usually he was always sticking up for me. Marcus only kept em round cause he brought all his clients with him and it made up half of Marcus business.

" why you let him do you like that Shonda? I mean yeah you one of the best runners he got but he always putting you on front line " I guess I never thought of it like that, but I know I love him and he treats me better than anyone has ever. " one of these days. somebody gone get him killed for all the bad stuff he do to people!" Marcus was not a bad guy but maybe he did risk a lot of people lives when it comes to beef and territory but what are runners for right?

Friday Night.... " A young man has been shot after what police says a drug deal gone wrong." Marvin had a little brother who also ran for Marcus from time to time and tonight, because of the beef, he was gunned down in front of his mama house. Rest in Peace LJ and stay up Ms. Johnson. " Man Im going to get him back, he knew he was too young to be out like that he now look, he gone!" Its so sad what happened, but how could he blame Marcus, he couldn`t have known that was going to happen right? Tonight is the big night and Marcus not picking up his phone. I know my man wouldnt set me up would he? I`m just really worried about what happened with LJ.

"yeah whats up? I`ll meet you at Lincoln Ave when you finish, Im kind of busy right now." How could he find something more important than me and carrying all of this product? " Marcus sent a girl to do a man`s job? Too bad, I hope you wasnt his girl for what Im bout to have to do." I watched Marcus pace the brittle, classical, beat up floor boards, shaking his head at me. " Shonda how could you be so stupid?" I did not mean to kill em, but I thought better him than me, and I got my man money

Marcus did not talk to me for a while after I killed that man but he is more worried about the fact I started beef in our territory than the fact he tried to rob and kill me. Going without seeing him and talking to him made me anxious, not really wanting to get out of bed, and my grades started to lower. I knew what was coming next. " Shonda, whats going on at school? Look honey, you have to maintain a 3.8 if we want to get into Missouri State. This better not be about that boy! I honestly don`t get what you see in him, but you love em." Maybe she is right, I need to focus on my school work and leave him alone. Marcus knows that I love him and would do anything for him. Why wouldnt he care that I almost got robbed?

Seeing him in school that day made my stomach throb and jolt with the feeling of perplexity, resentment and just flat out hurt. He brushed past me cuddled up with some girl who was known for what she did outside of school and who only showed up for the first class. I didn`t even know he was unhappy or talking to her. All of this because I killed somebody who was about to rob me over something that wasn`t even mine?

Marcus made me feel like I was scum of the earth. He made me feel so stupid like I did everything for him and he just dumped me like I never meant anything to him. Nobody could ever begin to understand the pain that he put into my heart. NObody but Marvin, he took his little brother and I know he wont judge me. " so how we gone set this cat up Shonda?" I cant believe that me, the quiet, reasonable girl whose only worries before Marcus were having brand new #2 pencils and a nice looking backpack, was about to set up the only man I have ever loved. " so you gone tell him to meet you at Lincoln Park and me and my gang go take bruh out. Its all going down at 1130 tonight Shonda, and dont worry.

From the first day I meet Marcus, he was the only person who showed me how truly loving a person, can make you over look all the wrong doings. Marcus did not deserve to die and besides, what if he was only with her to make me mad? " so you mean to tell me, the dude I helped get back into the game gone try and take me out tonight? I cant believe this man, and What time all this going down?"

I know it was wrong to warn him, but I dont know what I would`ve done if he was killed. Marcus allowed the plan to still go down so that MArvin wouldnt get tipped off. BANG BANG BANG. Screams wailing every where, people running left and right, blood running everywhere. " I told mugs this what I do and you tried to snake on me, now its time for you to see your brother again." Tires smelling of burnt rubber in a hurry to flee the seen and when the dust clears, all I see is Marcus laying in the middle of the street, lifeless, taking long gasp to try and find some room in his blood filled mouth to breathe. " Honey, is he okay?" " OMG someone call 911!" " DO you know who this young man is?"

They wouldnt let me ride with him to the hospital and someway along the line I passed out in the back of the squad car and woke to a gown that cut too short in the front and wide opened in the back. The room smelled of cold, damp, towels and dirty mop water. When I finally came too, I saw my mom, her face distressed and relieved when I finally called out to her. " Honey, Marcus did not make it, he lost too much blood and there was just......." The words she spoke were like cold, long daggers stabbing me in the little bit of beating heart that I had left. What was I to do now that the love of my life, is gone, just like that... and its all my fault. I started to tell my mom everything, how it was me that lured Marcus there and........ " Excuse me , Im sorry. I just came in to change out your IV fluids, these are much safer for the baby and congratulations!