Waiting for the clock to strike at 12 o'clock, We patiently wait at the balcony for the new year to come. The very first day of the year 2020. How exciting it seems to me, making new year resolutions that will make me improve or so I hope... Maybe something will change this year.

Part 1

"Something, huh" my dear friend Paige said to me while I spill my inner thoughts to her.

It is now the first day of school after new years. After my friend and I reunite from the holidays, we simply go back to our so called "regular" day in school. We were walking to our classroom but then one person I didn't want to see, Rider, so called "childhood bully", came closer to me and said

"hi Tiff how are you? ". As he looks at my outfit for today. I shrug and say "well it was quite fine you see... before you showed up"

He looks offended. I should've not said that to him didn't I, well...

"I see that you still hate me for endlessly teasing you back then, well all of that is in the past now, it's the new year. Come on, get more social for once" he said so casually.

Paige already understood the situation and pulled me away from him and held my hand walking towards our classroom.

"you really are my guardian angel aren't you" I said as I chuckle. 

"what can you do without me" Paige answered back.

Then hours went by and another day of school is now finished. Usually Paige and I walk home together but she said that she had to go on an errand before going home. I gladly offer to accompany her but she didn't want my family to worry about me. So she made me go home while she walks away to another direction.

I go home and said "hi" to my mom and dad of course. Then continues to fall to the comfort of my bed. And as my eyes close I fell asleep instantly.

"I am really not a morning person, aren't I?" I said as I struggle to get out of my bed to get ready for another day at school. After I got ready, I said goodbye to my parents and went to school.

It felt weird today, probably because Paige isn't here at my side. For some reason she didn't come to school today. "I wonder if she's okay, maybe I should visit her house later" I mumble to myself, as I sit at my desk.

After history class, which i felt like lasted forever, end my classes for today. I went visit Paige's house. But no one seemed to be home, so I texted her cellphone and asked her where she was.

Part 2

To my surprise, her mother was the one who replied to my text she replied "Tiff? This is Paige's mom, we are at the hospital now... Paige had an car accident yesterday and it looks like it isn't going well for her.."

I grew anxiously worried and asked what happened to her and is she going to be okay. Bad thoughts rushed to my mind as I think about my one and only best friend that is at the hospital .

I ran to the neighborhood hospital and asked the receptionist where Paige's room was. She luckily said her room number. I ran as fast as I can

but by the time I got there, I felt the dark and heavy atmosphere. I go to her bed looking at her pale face. I cry my heart out and continue to tell myself that I wasn't real. That what I have seen and heard was not real. Everything might be a part of a bad dream.

I was waiting for someone to wake me up. I look up to her mom, and she embraces me. Knowing that it was hard for me to take it all in. "you know why she didn't want you to come with her?" her mom asked me. "She went to buy a gift for you. a symbol of your friendship". I wept endlessly in her arms. I wished that this never happened. If only I went with her, maybe all of these will have never happened. We still had many plans together in the future . We would graduate high school together, will travel places together...live our lives together. I never expected our plans to end here, at this day.

It felt like my world fell apart.

I almost didn't want to go to school the next day. But my parents wanted me to go to school. So I went and pretend like nothing happened. At school, I consider myself to be an average student, getting good grades and having clubs that i participate in. Though, I am not comfortable talking to people that I do not know. I was always seen hanging out with Paige everyday. But I guess she isn't here now and will never be.

As hours pass by, I was walking to the school cafeteria to get some food, alone. While I was eating at the Rider talks to me again

Part 3

"hey..how are you doing..?" I sense doubt at his voice. I guess news do spread quite quickly here.

"I am fine..." I answer him as I try to not look at him.

"do you want to talk?.. I am here you know" he said softly.

"can you leave me alone!" I mindlessly shout at him as I walk away from the table to the girl's bathroom.

I painfully regret lifting my voice at him because he was just trying to help me. But it wasn't that easy to trust him and I am sure that he was just going to mess with me again.

I go out of the girl's bathroom and proceed to my class for recess has ended.

Part 4

After a bunch of bring school hours, it was time for me to go home. It still feels weird that Paige isn't walking home with me anymore. Then I heard a bicycle right beside me and it was Rider, probably going home too, after band practice. I pretended to not see him but he was still following me. So I asked him "what do you want now?" in an annoyed voice.

"do you want to go to get some coffee tomorrow, if you don't have any plans of course" he said.

Thinking that it was a Saturday tomorrow and I don't want to get stuck at my room all day, I just accepted his invitation. And I didn't want to argue with him today because I was very tired. When I got home I cried myself to sleep.

The next day came, and I got ready to meet him at the coffee shop close by our neighborhood. As I open the door to the coffee place, I wiff at the coffee scent the room is giving out. And I see Rider sitting at a chair, so I went to him. "hey whats up?" I asked. He looked at me and said "well nothing much, I just wanted to talk to you. That's all" I question him in my head but didn't bother to ask why.

"look we may have gone to a bad start, but I want to be friends with you, like really" rider said.

"what makes you want to be my friend?" I ask him.

"well I guess I just wanted to know about you more" he replied.

"oh really now?" I said in a sarcastic tone.

"yes, no funny business. Just want to make friends with you" he said to me in a genuine matter

Then after having little conversations here and there, I looked at the time and it was getting quite late.

"hey.. It's getting late. I should get going now" I say to him.

"oh so soon? Well thanks for giving me your time. Hope to talk to you at school more often" he said

I just replied "okay" and said goodbye

I went home and yet again wanted to cry because of the loss of my best friend.

Since then she wanted me to be more social and to make more friends. But I never seem to do that, until now. I really hope that she is doing better in heaven now. I miss her so much.. I hope she is proud of me for stepping out of my comfort zone. As I think about our memories together, I could not help to get sad. I really just wished that she would come back.

But I doubt that will happen any time soon.

Part 5

"Another depressing day at school" I mutter to myself, as I sit at my desk.

Rider isn't in the same classroom with me, so he isn't here. But it felt kinda nice to talk to someone about what I feel. Though I doubt anyone can replace Paige in my life. Rider is a really nice guy, I guess. But I am not completely comfortable with him about talking about my problems.

I wonder what would happen if I make more friends and maybe get along with Rider. Would my life get happier? Or worse than before.

I don't really make that many friends. I just choose ones that are close and important to me. I believed the saying "the more you love, the more pain you get".It kinda goes for the same with friends that's why I only have a limited number or friends. People think that it's a competition to have more friends. But in reality, one is enough, we just have to find someone that is worth our sacrifices.

"hey, what are you thinking about? You look like you went deep into your thoughts..again" Rider said as he smiled

"w-what? Oh nothing. I was just thinking of some things" I answered while scratching the back of my head.

"so.. How are you now?" he asked.

"I think I'm fine, why do you ask?" I said.

"well I know that losing someone you love will hurt so bad and I was wondering if you were fine now" he replied

Why is he always talking about Paige. Does he want me to get more depressed than I already am? Why can't he just leave me alone. I can't help but think of my memories with Paige when he mentions her. I slowly feel the my heart getting heavier. I wanted to run to a quiet place and cry my heart out again.

I abruptly get up from my chair end go to somewhere else without talking to Rider.

He looked curious to why I just left without saying anything. But went on his day like nothing had happened.

I was in the bathroom stall again. I don't know why coming here was always my option when I wanted to be alone.

I try to recollect my thoughts and get myself together. But I just cried and cried and cried until school ends. Every time I cry, I really regret it. I don't like looking at myself when I cry. It shows my weak side. I don't like crying when someone else is with me. Because i don't want them to get sad too. That's why I prefer crying alone, I don't want people I love getting involved in my pain. After crying, I thought that it will be nice to drop by the church before going home. I need to ask something from God.

Part 6

As I go in the church, I see Rider sitting in one of the chairs. I go closer to him and see him praying. I sit by him and pray to God.

I do the sign of the cross and pray for Paige and myself.

"God why did you took Paige away from me . Why did you make me feel immense pain. Why did you make my life more miserable than it already is. Just why? Did I do something to deserve this? Don't I deserve to be happy, where I can live my life without any regrets and pain" I helplessly ask God.