And it doesn't even relate to the book at ALL!

Such a cool front cover...

 Part 1 of this book!

If you search up the words “gibberish meaning”, you will find it means nonsense. A clump of random letters strung together to form a sound or word. An unintelligible speech or writing, which, if you follow this book correctly, will be exactly what you will be saying or writing. The key to gibberish is that only you know what you say. In gibberish, words change every minute. 

For example, the word yummy could be tuuutuuruu one second, but the next it might be hoooosummmteeee. Or even gopogonohomonag. The main key to learning gibberish is this: There are no rules. It's gibberish. So you have a whole lot of freedom in choosing what you want to say and stuff. Here are some fun facts about gibberish:

• Gibberish is also called jibber-jabber or gobbledygook (pronounced GOB-ELY-GOOK) 
• The longer the word, the better
• There is actually a language called Gibberish
• This book is not about the language mentioned above
• I ran out of facts, so I’m not gonna write anything here

Let's review these facts. Jibber-jabber and gobbledygook used to be very nice gibberish words. They used to mean clap. Or happy. Or birds. Or mat. Well, you get the idea. The problem is, these words were used so often, soon they didn't count as gibberish anymore.  

That is the secret: if you use a word too often, it becomes a Real Word, and Real Words are not gibberish.

That is why people keep changing the meanings of gibberish words. Okay, now the second one.  

The longer, the better.  

Gibberish has some very long words. It’s natural for a language. Or this language, at least. English has some long words, too, but gibberish is the master. I mean, some gibberish words take up more than a page. You are not going to learn about it in this book, of course.  

Those words are really difficult and complex.  

There’s a reason why this was called The Beginner’s guide to gibberish!  

Okay, now the third one, in case you forgot, is that there is actually a language called Gibberish. This language is kind of similar to Pig Latin (haha! Funny name), and some people that use it because they want a secret language when they play games or something.    

In order to speak Pig Latin, you must break down the word’s syllables.  

What does that mean?  

I’m not so sure either. Anyway, back to serious terms. But gibberish is not exactly serious, so scratch that out.  

I have a spoiler alert: This language called Gibberish is not the same as the gibberish you will learn about here. It has Real Words, and Pig Latin just sounds You get the idea.  

Next one.  

Oh, the next fact is just clarifying what my spoiler alert was. And now, the gibberish word of the hour:

FJEUDS!!!

This means poopy poo-poo. Like, if you really hate someone, you can call him or her that. Or you could use it to bully a toilet, or maybe a jacket. Toilets and jackets are easy to bully.    If you say a verb or a whole bunch of verbs to either of them, you are verbally bullying it.  

    If you step on the jacket, you are physically bullying it.

  If you are talking to the jacket, you are socially bullying it.

    If you are doing literally anything else near the jacket, you are non-verbally bullying it. For example,  you could be saying nouns or adjectives. And, just take a note, the exclamation marks are part of the word. Remember that. Or don’t.  

    Let’s skip a few hours ahead. I have more words, like:

• CJVJ
• #@@@@!@@FD

• HGJFJFDB NMX K
• Fhsjhkd

The first word means sad. Like, this is really sad. Because the word’s meaning just changed. Never mind. Wait a couple of hundred years, and it might turn back to that meaning again. Okay, next one. it means YOU SUCK!!! And when it changes again, it’ll probably change into any word with a bad meaning.   Now, the third one. HGJFJFDB NMX K (pronounced HUG-JI-JI-FUM-NIM-KAY) means: oh my God you suck at French. Or it could mean you are terrible at French. Or, your French skills are the worst. You get the idea, right?  

The last one. Fhsjhkd (FISH-JINKED) means bird poo. Or bird poop. Or even bird pooping. Or bird pooped. Sometimes it means grumpy bird. You know. Bird anything.

Let's round it up. CJVJ means sad. #@@@@!@@FD means YOU SUCK, or any word with a bad meaning. HGJFJFDB NMX K means “Oh my god you suck at French”, or any way to say your French is terrible. And fhsjhkd can mean bird poop, bird pooping, a bird pooped, grumpy bird, you get the idea. Bird something.  

You got that?

Good.  

Now you’ve learned something. Oh, and something elseor any word with a bad meaning. HGJFJFDB NMX K means “Oh my god you suck at French”, or any way to say your French is terrible. And fhsjhkd can mean bird poop, bird pooping, a bird pooped, grumpy bird, you get the idea. Bird something.  

You got that?

Good.  

Now you've learned something. Oh, and something else. Gibberish can be written in capital letters or lowercase. It doesn't matter. Like I wrote before, gibberish has no rules! Let’s have some nicer words.

• Gjrp
• Tido
• :)

The first one, gjrp (pronounced JI-RIP) means hi, or hello, or lamp, or textbook, or water bottle, or You get the idea. Tido (pronounced TIE-DOI) means bench. Or chairs. It could also mean couch, bed, or sofa. And the last one.  

:)  

Yup, it’s a smiley face. Faces are the only “words'' in gibberish that have a certain meaning (though they are not words at all). This one means happiness. Happy, really. It could also mean joyful. Positive feelings. I can tell you about them later.  I couldn't wait, so we’ll learn about faces now. Here we go:

• :) means happy
• :() means gosh
• :( means unhappy
• >:( means mad
• :} means... um... uh 

Faces are a big part of gibberish. English uses it too, but not a lot. At least, not as much as gibberish. Oh, I almost forgot, it’s time for 

       The words of the hour!

• Himdlsfj
• Vghduhues
• dfj gdir kjjvd

The first word means OK?! (with the capitals), or it could mean fine(with the punctuation marks) or even humph! It’s pronounced like that, too. Humph. at, too. Humph.

 The second one, Vghduhues (VUG-DUH-EW) means gifts. Like, this is the worst gift I have ever got given in my life. Or, I got a sneeze for a gift. Then I got a cold. 

Uh, next one. Dfj gdir kjjvd means, are you there? Or it could mean, you just disappeared. Or, you got an F on your math test. It’s pronounced DIE-GAR-KI-JI-VID. Now, to round up your knowledge, I say it’s time for a quiz!

Quiz time!

Let’s see what you've learned so far!

Instructions: Circle your answers, then check to find if you were correct! 

Question number 1. Why did YOU click on this book?

1. Because I was bored
2. My English spelling is terrible, so I thought my gibberish might not be so bad
3. I was MOTIVATED and ENCOURAGED to learn a new language
4. I have no idea
5. This book was on sale

1. __________________________(write an answer of your choice)

You can't really do that if you're on a computer. Only if you buy the book. So go on! BUY THE BOOK AND GIVE ME THE MONEY!

    Next question. How much did you learn because of this book?

1. Not much
2. Not at all
3. I learned SO much
4.  I don’t think anyone is capable to learn from this book
5. _____________________________________(write your own answer)

Question number 3. If you could have picked any book, would this be it?

        1.Of course! 

        2.Definitely NOT

        3.Maybe

        4._____________________(write an answer of your choice)

Question number 4. Do you like pie?

1. No. I hate it
2. Yes! I love it!
3. Kind of
4. I would jump into a pie and die!

Question number 5. What are you?

1. Human
2. Alien
3. Monster
4. Broccoli
5. Snowman
6. Pie
7. __________________(write what you actually are)

Question number 6. Do you think this quiz relates to the info in this book (answer truthfully!)

1. No!
2. Yes!

I must tell you how this works. At least, for question number six. If you picked number one, you must agree to the following.

This quiz actually makes sense, unlike the book! It is not at all like the book, I hate this, I hate it!

If you chose number two, you must agree to this:

Yes! This quiz is so confusing, it is SO like the book! I agree completely! 

Question number 7. What does #@@@@!@@FD

mean?

1. YOU SUCK!
2. A really bad word
3. both of them

Answer key

Question 6: Number 2. This quiz is NOT supposed to make sense.

Question 7: Number 5. 

You might be wondering why questions one, two, three, four, and five were not included in this answer key. Well, I don’t know either. Sorry.

If you got 2 out of 7, you are illogically an illogical genius.

If you got 1 out of 7, you are a #@@@@!@@FD (gibberish swear word).  

If you got 0 out of 7, you are a drop out in the world of illogicalness. And a big #@@@@!@@FD, too! Please don’t sue us.

Now, here are some reactions For 2 out of 7!

“Oh my Gosh! I won! This is amazing! Now I’m better than anyone else on earth!”

For 1 out of 7!

“Oh gosh I suck.”

And for 0 out of 7!

“Oh my goodness I’m gonna sue you! That’s so mean!”

And for people so dumb we can’t even mark them!

“GUUJBBH!!!” It’s a really bad word that should not be in this book in gibberish because children might be reading this.

“Hohoho! Merry Christmas!” I think you already know what this means...

“Me a little potato.” Even I can’t decipher this. Back to the guide. Okay, now, um hjrje (HI-JER-JEE) means YEET. If you don’t know what that means look it up. But first, let me give you some examples. If I just got a dozen yummy cupcakes free, I would say “YEET!” If I just found out I can adjust my mental alarm clock precisely, I would say YEET! Uh do you get it? Okay, next. Now we will discuss the history of gibberish. Story time!  

The story of GIBBERISH!

Once there were two people. They lived in a village. These two people were called Cucurbitaceae and Shorthair. Shorthair was bald. So why would they call him Shorthair if he didn't have hair at all? Oh, I know. I almost forgot that bald people have microscopic hair. Anyway, Cucurbitaceae and Shorthair hated their names. People always said to Cucurbitaceae, “Why are you named after a plant family?” 

And to Shorthair, “Were you always bald?” And they got really annoyed (the people with the names, not the people asking the questions).  

One day, they decided to disguise themselves as foreign people and change their names. They put on sparkly wigs and ghoul makeup. One of them wore vampire’s teeth. Another wore a gorilla mask (that person put the ghoul makeup on the mask).  

Soon they discovered a problem. “If we want people to think we came from another country,” the person named after the plant family had said, “Then we need a new language!”

So they got some letters, and thus, the idea of gibberish was born. But these two people did not really want to invent a new language. They were much too lazy, and besides, one of them was late for dinner.  

So when they were deciding what the rules for this language were, the bald person was so hungry (he was the one missing dinner), he just said, “Let's make this language have no rules! And that’s the only rule.” his partner agreed.  

The next day, they were deciding on a name for their language. “My little sister is called Muncher,” Cucurbitaceae said, “Let us name this language Muncher, after her!”

Shorthair protested. “It makes me too hungry,” he said. So each of them took a handful of letters from the letterbox, and after organizing them, it spelled GIBBERISH. So gibberish was called gibberish.  

The next day, they put on their disguises and headed out.  

“Hello,” a random stranger said, “Are you new here?”

“#@@@@!@@FD!” Shorthair answered. Which, if you were paying attention to this book, is not a good word.  

“You don’t know English?” The random stranger asked. “What’s your name?”

“hjrje,” said the plant family person.  

“Bong-boingio,” said the bald one.

After a while, more people joined their language. Not much, though. And that is the story of how gibberish was invented.

  EXTRAS

     Interview with the plant person

Reporter: Why were you named Cur-uh Whatever you were named?

Cucurbitaceae: My name is- checks a piece of paper Cucurbitaceae. And my mother named me that because she really liked pumpkins and stuff.

R: What inspired you to invent gibberish, Cucur- uh

Cucurbitaceae: Just call me C person or whatever. Okay, so you asked me what?

R: I asked what inspired you to invent gibberish, C person.

C person: Oh, yeah. My bald friend inspired me.

R: What is your gibberish name?

C-person: I change it a lot. I just changed it this second, actually.

R: Oh. Of course. Um, if you weren't called Cu-whatever you are called, what would you name yourself?

C-person: I’ve been planning to change my name to Potatoness. Or Shinyunicorn.

R: Interesting. Any reasons?

C-person: I like potatoes. Shiny unicorns are yummy. In fact, I’m going to eat one right now. Goodbye.

 Interview with the bald person 

Reporter: Why were you named Shorthair?

Shorthair: I was born bald.

R: Okay, Uh, what inspired you to invent gibberish?

S: My friend named after a plant family inspired me.

R: Do you have a gibberish name?

S: Yeah, but it takes up a few pages.

R: Were you always bald?

S: Yup. 

R: Last question: do you have a pet?

S: Of course I do! 

R: I know I said that I had asked the last question already, but I’ve got another one.

S: Fire on, person.

R: What animal is your pet, and what is his or her name?

S: I have a shorthair cat. And his name is Baldie. 

Now you know the story of how gibberish was invented, along with the interviews of the people that invented it. Isn't it interesting? What do you want to know now, readers? It is my job to please you, I think. Right? Okay, so now WHAT SHOULD I WRITE!? I am not sure. Maybe I should do something new...

Part 2 of this book!

Hello! I am Mila and I am doing part two. The person who did part one was Selena. You’ll see her in part three. (And both of us made the quiz.) Part two will be filled with interesting stuff, I think. There will be a gibberish dictionary and a few facts about the authors. I will start working on it immediately! *sigh*

                         Five months later

I’ll start on part two immediately. Soon, at least. Just wait. I need to finish this chapter...

    27 books later 

Okay! I’ll begin. >:(  

    Humph.  

    Okay, so a gibberish dictionary-nah, let’s do the facts about the authors. The authors of this book are Selena and me (Mila). Here are some fun facts about Selena:

• She has two pet birds and a billion pet rocks
• Once her pet birds drank from a bottle (a big one), and they got to drink all the water in it because their tongues touched the bottle
• Her randomness in writing made her write this
• She also has a few pet plants

Now some fun facts about me:

• I am Selena’s best friend
• Selena and I have written a thousand stories
• I don’t have enough books to read
• I have... um... very weird ideas...

Now, what you have all been waiting for (or not):

The Gibberish Dictionary

This dictionary will include all the stuff you were supposed to learn from this book, along with some other stuff you didn't learn.

FJEUDS!!!!!- poopy poo-poo

Helequen - leave the room

Ehvrfhjfj - you’re annoying

Gnigliy - STOP TALKING

CJVJ - sad

#@@@@!@@FD - YOU SUCK

HGJFJFDB NMX K - Oh my God you suck at French

Fhsjhkd - bird poop, bird pooping, a bird pooped, grumpy bird, 

Gjrp - hi, hello, lamp, textbook, or water bottle

Tido - bench, chairs, couch, bed, or sofa

:) - happy

>:( - mad

:() - gosh

:( - unhappy

:} -  The meaning is a mystery 

Himdlsfj - OK?! Or it could mean fine 

Vghduhues - gift

giftdfj gdir kjjvd - are you there? Or, you just disappeared, or, you got an F on your math test.

That is the dictionary. There are a lot more words, but this is only for beginners, so we only chose some simple ones. Now, I finished writing facts about the authors, and I finished the gibberish dictionary. So, what will I do now? There are tons of stuff I can do, I’m sure.

Uh, so now I will look at what a guide to English looks like, and I’ll try to include them. Actually, I have an idea. Let’s compare English to Gibberish.   

    Okay, now I’ll call Bernie the talkative bird. Hey Bernie! Tell me something about English. 

    Okay. English sometimes uses plain English, which is written in a way so that the reader can understand it easily. It is clear, easy to comprehend, and when you hear it you can immediately know the meaning. It is concise and usually avoids hard vocabulary-

    Okay That is enough for now. Well, Gibberish is not supposed to make sense. There is no such thing as plain gibberish. It's practically impossible

    Actually, on second thought, gibberish is not practical, so never mind. It is just impossible. Now, next fact, Bernie. Uh Bernie is eating.

This book has been interrupted by:

        How to be a goat

Hi, I am a goat. A billy goat named Billy. I am going to teach you how to be a goat. But before you skip these next three pages, at least read one page. If you are reading this, you are probably one of these:

• I want to be a goat but I don’t know how to
• I don’t want to be a goat, and I’m reading this so I make sure I don’t be a goat
• I don’t know why I picked up this book, but I’m gonna keep reading

If you’re not, you probably skipped this advertisement. Now, the million-dollar question: What is a goat? Uh, I actually don’t know, so let me search it up.

Okay, so I found out, and I’m going to copy and paste it. A goat is

An animal that has horns that curve backwards and (in male goats) a beard. It is kept for its milk and meat.

Now you know what a goat is. I think goats are nice. I keep one. In my fridge. PLOT TWIST! And CANNIBAL GOAT! Anyway, turning into a goat has three main steps:

1. Research goats
2. Practice being a goat
3. Be a goat

The first one is research goats. You have to research it yourself, but I can give you a few points.

             - Goats can burp

             -Goats can live as long as a dog

             -They are good at climbing

Are you picky? No? Oh, too bad, you can’t be a goat. Do you have rectangular pupils? No? Oh, you can’t be a goat, either. Can you burp? Yes? Oh, good. Can you live as long as a dog? Dogs live for about ten to thirteen years. Maybe? Oh, that’s not a good answer. Are you good at climbing? Kind of? 

    Oh, that’s not a good answer, either. But don’t worry if you said no to all of these questions! If you still want to be a goat, then you can- wait, there’s a new script for me to read. Uh, if you answered no to all those questions, 

    there’s no hope for you if you still want to be a goat. I’m sorry.  Next step. After you are finished researching goats, it’s time to practice being a goat. You have to practice burping, climbing stuff, and being as picky as you can. After about a few months of practice, you should be ready to move onto the third and final step: be a goat. That’s right, just be a goat. How to do that? Well, if you still don’t know, you must not have been paying attention to what you just read. Anyway, so I've taught you three essential steps to becoming a goat. I hope you use them well. Farewell, and remember to keep burping!

    Whew! That was really weird. Are they going to put it on print? Yes? Uh-oh. Could you- AHHHHHHHHHHHH! uh, I guess not. Okay, now that it has finished, we can continue learning gibberish. Anyone in? No? Maybe. I don’t know. I wrote this thing before It was published so I don’t know

who’s reading it. So, today I was wondering what to do, so I decided to  learn some tips for learning a language. 

    The first was to know why you want to learn a language. So you have to understand why you want to learn gibberish. Okay, Bernie finished eating. Bernie, why do you want to learn gibberish?  

    I don’t.  

    Okay Let me find another one... Bernie, what is your learning goal? Do you even have one? 

    Sure I do. I made it up just now. My goal is to confuse people to the limit with my gibberish knowledge.

    Well, that is a pretty good one.

    Next one. Hey Bernie, do you think you chose the right content to learn gibberish? By content, I mean this book. 

    Not really, but it’s so hard to find proper content for 

gibberish these days. I think this book is the most right it gets. Not very right.  

I am slightly offended, Bernie. Actually, I am VERY offended.  

    *Takes a deep breath* now, next. Bernie, did you make language habits? 

    Yeah, I did. My habit is that I show off my knowledge to the next-door neighbor. He gets rather impressed.  

    Hmm. Good enough, I guess. Onto the next one. Practice a lot, it says. So to practice you could read this book?

    I read this book often No, I don’t. (Reading counts as practicing, right? Practicing reading?) But I’m still rather good at gibberish. This is a language that doesn't require practice to learn. The only one, too. NEXT! 

Wait! Bernie, you’re a bird. How can you read?

    I can't.

That makes sense, I guess. The next question is-  

    Uh, excuse me, but-

What is it, Bernie? Oh, there seems to be a problem. The internet got shut down, so WHY in the world am I still TYPING!? Apparently, there’s no answer to that. But since all those tips came from online, and the internet got shut down, I can’t read them. We’ll have to find something else to do. :( Now, I found out an interesting fact. Actually, I didn't, because Bernie ate my shoes before I could go out fact-finding. Now I have to get new shoes

Thank you for waiting while I got some shoes.  Now I will introduce you to a new gibberish word:

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. 

This word is pronounced Hip-oh-pot-ah-mons-ster-es-kip-a-dai-la-fo-bee-ah. Hippopotomonstrosequippadaliophobia is the fear of long words. Wait, I just found out Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is in the English dictionary! 

Let’s look at other words.

• -Floccinaucinihilipilification
• -pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
• -Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious 

Let’s focus only on Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. You might have heard this word in a movie called Marry Poppins. It can mean fantastic or fabulous. That’s pretty much all there is to the word

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. NOW, WHAT!? I’m getting kind of bored. What about, I know! I’ll take a vacation from gibberish! Where should I go? Ah-ha! I have just the idea! I will take a ride in what I call a bed. And I will then take a ferry to the Shores Of Sleep. After that, I will be sure to arrive in the Land Of Dreams. Yup, I’m gonna take a nap. You’ll see Selena very soon...

Part 3 of this book!

Hi, it’s me again! (By “me” I mean Selena.) I’m going to teach gibberish now. Because that’s how it goes. I start off, Mila goes on part two, then I end on part three. Now we can start learning gibberish. Why, you ask? Oh, I’ll tell you. We start learning gibberish NOW because I just SAID SO. Now we can start.

Have you been keeping up with your lessons? Have you been reading this book, maybe re-reading it? You better have. Or maybe not better. 

Anyway, so back to gibberish. The first thing we will learn is grammar. English has grammar, and most dignified people usually have proper grammar. Well, I can tell you that there’s no grammar in gibberish. Gibberish isn't exactly proper, and the people who invented it were in too much a rush to make even the simplest grammar rules. I’m pretty sure I

told you before, but gibberish has no rules.  There are some people that think teaching gibberish is hard. I will try to answer that as truthfully as I can. All I have to do is review what gibberish is, some tips for learning it and showing you a few words. That part is easy. The hard part isn't the teaching, it’s the finding. I have to find people who actually want to learn gibberish. Not many people want to. So far, I've only taught myself and Bernie. And Bernie is a BIRD. Sometimes I get tired of my OWN teaching. Can you imagine that? I can. 

Hey, I have an idea. I get a lot of letters from my fans. My fans are very supportive, and they also cool me down in the summer. And, apparently, they can write. Their letters are always filled with questions, or at least most of the time. I can answer the questions so you can have a deeper understanding of gibberish. The first one says:

Hi, authors of The Beginners Guide To Gibberish,

    I have been wondering for a very long time how you get your information about gibberish. Did someone else teach you? Did you teach yourselves? How did you discover gibberish? Please answer these questions. I am impatient to hear the answers.  

                                                 From,

                                                        A gibberish fan

I am glad you are curious, loyal gibberish fan. We can go through them one by one. So, I would first like to address it is rude to ask how I got to know something unless I openly and honestly gave you permission to ask whatever you wanted. 

    It doesn't matter where I learned gibberish, or how, or even WHY. But I will tell you how I discovered gibberish.  

One day I was very, very, very, very, very, very, very bored (yes, seven very-count them). I wanted to do something, so I did. I traveled around the world, took up new hobbies, and even got twenty-eight pet birds, five dogs, and two cats. But I realized quickly that I was the lazy type of person. I mean, when you have more than ten birds, your life gets crazy.

    After I managed to get rid of my twenty-eight birds, five dogs, and two cats, I started to be constructive with my time. I wanted to learn a new language, but I didn't want to go through the trouble of learning them. So I found out what gibberish was, and started learning. 

    After a while, I became very clever. I decided I would do something even more constructive with my time. I would write a guide to gibberish. So I wrote it. AND I’m still writing. So yeah, now you know how I came to know gibberish.  That's a LIE

MILA! This is MY part in the book! Argh! OKAY, NEXT letter, please!What? Did we run out of letters? No other fan wrote to me? That's impossible! I have never checked my mail or emptied it in years. It should be flooding with letters!

    Ah ha! Here is one more letter. Let me see what the letter says  

Hello, 

    I just wanted to check in on you. How is your mental health? Not that good, if you’re writing this book out of your own choice. Maybe you could visit a doctor soon? Anyway, just checking. 

                                                           From, A curious fan

Okay Just to give you a heads up, I’m not crazy. I am pretty sure I don’t 

have a mental illness. And yes, I am writing this book out of my own choice. Also, I visited my doctor twenty years ago, and she said I’m perfectly fine! 

   That’s also a lie!

    *Ignores Mila* Now, let me rip that letter to shreds and throw it into the garbage bin, and let’s not have any more talk of that

    Next letter. Oh, I forgot that was the last letter. The one I just ripped up. Humph. I ordered my mailbox over fifty years ago, and in all that time, I only got two letters. Only TWO! Totally unfair. >:(

Okay, I’m back. So I should teach you some gibberish now. Let’s have it for:

The word of the hour!

The word of the hour now is:

 asghkyiooSS  

AsghkyiooSS, pronounced AS-UH-YEE-OS, means kangaroo. The reason why I chose this word was because of the ending of SS. Whenever there’s a SS or any capitalized letter, (except for A and T) it means Nothing. Actually, it means that you have to say that SS real good. Like, an English word that ends with an S is ‘races’. If that was gibberish and had SS at the end, you would say ‘raceshhhhhhh’. So yeah, if there’s a SS then it becomes SH and also becomes a lot louder. 

    For example, when your teacher shushes you when she/he is sick and tired of noisy children, or sometimes just when he/she wants to really badly YELL at you, and say “Shut UP you ungrateful BRATS! I have to put up with you EVERY DAY, and you only ANNOY me to DEATH!” but being a teacher, she/he has to push all that energy into one, powerful SHUSH!  

   But this is not a rule. Just a suggestion. So at any rate, you don’t have to follow it.  That makes gibberish confusing, but it always was and will always be. Anyway, so I have one more thing left to say. 

    Kangaroo was a gibberish word once. It sort of meant: YAY! and it was like this: KangarOO!!! So you can say asghkyiooSS when you want to say YAY! in gibberish. Or you could even completely forget about what I just said and continue living your life, not having the knowledge of saying YAY! Or kangaroo in gibberish. And that’s perfectly fine. NO, IT IS NOT. But whatEVER  

    One of my fans told me that the readers might like to hear how I write this. She said it like this: “I think that, if you, like, stopped babbling about that, like, gibberish thing, and say something, like, tell how you write this, so the reader won’t be, like, overly bored to death and die of boredom 

until they’re completely dead.” 

So yeah. I’m writing this on a laptop. Oh, and Bernie is back!

Actually, he’s Bernie’s thirty-eighth cousin. Bernie’s cousin, I’m telling the readers how I write this guide to gibberish.  

That’s cool. How do you do it? 

I am writing on a laptop. 

Uh, so you’re typing on your laptop to write this? 

No, this is my mom’s laptop. It’s a really old one. Okay, so you are typing this on your mom’s laptop. Great! 

Yes, I am great. And about the laptop, it is my mom’s, but it wasn't always hers.

Begins story time cue

A long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time ago, before anyone knew there

was time, there was nothing. Then, someone said, “Hey, I’m bored, let’s do something. But wait, there’s no language yet, so how am I talking?” and then they invented language. And then after like a long time, my mom’s mom bought this computer, but it didn't exist yet, so my mom had to wait until she was about nineteen before she bought it. Maybe older. Probably like thirty. After that, she allowed it to sit in the dust, till I came along and said, “Hey mom, can I get a laptop? To type stories?” 

“No.” 

“Please?” 

“NO.” 

“Pretty please?” 

“NO!”

“Pretty please with a cherry on top?”

“Just use that one.” So I used this laptop. The moral of the story? Cherries on top always win.

So this laptop was always my mom’s. 

Fascinating. 

I hear that sarcastic edge, Bernie’s cousin Regardless, we should do something else. Let me list the number of shampoo bottles I've used in my life, then the number of words I've said (I keep a very careful count), and maybe even my time’s tables. I am very proud of my time table. I think I’ll start with that. 

Okay, so one time one is one, one times two is two, one times three is three  

Eight hours later... 

One hundred eighty-six times nine is one thousand six hundred seventy four. That’s as far as I got so far, Bernie’s cousin. Uh, Bernie’s cousin? Hello?  

I think Bernie’s cousin left at the ‘twenty-five times two’ part. How rude. Oh, here’s Bernie! Bernie, let me tell you how many turtles live at my cousin’s house, then a detailed description of all of my cousins, and then my siblings, and my parents, and my parent’s parents, and my- hey, where did Bernie go?

I believe it is time to get a pet again. Guess what? Today I got a cat. I named her Cat. The perfect name. The best part? This cat is deaf, so now I can chatter as much as I want and she won’t mind! Hey Cat, I’m gonna count and measure each strand of my hair. And it has to be EXACT. Ready, set, count!